my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
