Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
