it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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