I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
