splinters make it hard to masturbate
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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