Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
