I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
