Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
