farters have to be the big spoon...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
