You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
