actually, I'm a sock model
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
