just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
