i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
