The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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