If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
