your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
