can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
