you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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