One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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