It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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