You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
