Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
