considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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