And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
pray to the hookup gods
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
