i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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