I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
