I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
