"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
