Duck Duck Cougar?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize