My sheets look like a crime scene.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just cut my nipple shaving
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
