I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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