Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
