She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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