Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
