i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
