I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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