Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
