I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
