Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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