Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
