I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
