He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You pole danced in your parka.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
