one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
