he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
