his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
