I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
