Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
