some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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