He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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