Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There's even glitter on my cock...
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