What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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