I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
