don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
