i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
