You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
