Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
