I cut my penus on the lid.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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