Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
