Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
