I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
