At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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