Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
