really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
