i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot