Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...