We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.