i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?