Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
