Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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