dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
