He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
