I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
