I hate your face
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
