Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
