I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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