omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
