Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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