What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
