Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
