I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
