She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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