There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
