There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
